


Second Time Around

by natlet



Category: Oz (1997)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-04
Updated: 2009-11-04
Packaged: 2017-10-03 03:52:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natlet/pseuds/natlet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keller survives his fall, but loses his memory. (Amnesia cliche challenge)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Second Time Around

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for everything.
> 
> For the amnesia cliche challenge at [hardtime100](http://community.livejournal.com/hardtime100).

He's barely settled back into his office above Em City, still working out of boxes and off the tops of piles, when Quernes summons him up to his office - to drop a nice steaming pile of fresh bullshit in his lap, McManus figures. He waits, just far enough inside so the door can close behind him, folds his arms across his chest, tries not to frown too hard.

"Chris Keller," Quernes says, and stops like the name by itself is supposed to mean something.

"Survived his fall, somehow," McManus says slowly, hoping he'll prompt Quernes somehow, touch on whatever the fuck it is he wants to talk about - Christ, he misses Leo sometimes, at least Leo never left him feeling like he had to figure out some kind of riddle - "he's been at Benchley ever since...?"

Quernes is nodding. "The doctors at Benchley are discharging Keller today," he says. "There's nothing physically wrong with him, so you get him back."

"Great," McManus says. "Fantastic, maybe next time he tries to kill himself he actually manages to take Beecher down with him - " Pauses as he processes Quernes's words. "Wait. Nothing physically wrong with him?"

*

Even as he's looking at Beecher across his desk, McManus doesn't know how he's going to tell him. Beecher's got this expression on his face that's one part hopeful and three parts jaded and McManus decides, that's it, I can't do it, I'll get Gloria or Sister Pete to - he glances up, over Beecher's shoulder, and Murphy nods at him - just once, real slow, and McManus takes a breath.

"Beecher," he says, "I thought you should know, uh - Chris Keller is - is coming back to Em City today."

A thousand different things flash through Beecher's eyes in the half a second that passes before he gets hold of himself, schools his face and says, "I don't want that motherfucker in my pod."

McManus shakes his head. "He won't be. With the... history between you two, with the circumstances surrounding his accident - " And Christ, it makes him feel like an asshole to see Beecher wince at that, physically, like he'd been slapped - " - I thought you should know that he's going to be back in the cell block, and I thought you should know about his condition." Hates himself for how it comes out, stale and sterile and plastic, like a script, a form letter.

"His condition?" Beecher's frowning, staring at a spot on the wall, and McManus leans forward, folds his hands on his desktop and waits until Beecher looks him in the eye. "What do you - "

"Keller lost his memory," he says softly. "He doesn't remember being in Oz, he doesn't remember - he doesn't remember anything, Beecher. He doesn't remember himself."

McManus prays he never has a word for the emotion that flashes across Beecher's face, but all Beecher says is, "Ah."

Not exactly what he'd expected, but. "Okay. If you - if you want to talk to Sister Pete or - "

"I'll let you know." Beecher's nodding, standing, in total control. "Thanks for the heads up."

The door closes behind him and Murphy and when they're gone McManus rests his forehead on the smooth wood grain of his desk, closes his eyes for what feels like a long time.

*

He's watching when Murphy buzzes Keller through the gates and into Em City. Beecher's in front of the TV, making a case for his answer to Final Jeopardy to Rebadow, but when the alarm sounds and the gate slides open, his head snaps up like he's receiving a signal on a channel nobody else can see.

From this far away, Keller looks skinnier, a little more wasted, but otherwise the same - McManus spares a brief, wistful thought for broad shoulders and toned biceps, thinks well, couple weeks in the gym and he'll be back in shape in no time. Thinks, unless he doesn't remember he likes working out.

Somehow, that's the scariest thought he's had so far.

Beecher's frozen like a statue as Keller comes closer, every scrap of his attention focused, honed. Keller's gaze drifts across the room with a wide-eyed kind of openness, absorbing his surroundings for the first time. As far as McManus can tell, he doesn't recognize anything, or anyone; takes the whole of Em City and its occupants at face value, follows Mineo to what's going to be his new home. As he passes, Beecher moves, head turning to follow Keller until he disappears behind the stairs; then Beecher pulls his headphones off, walks calmly to his pod like he doesn't notice the combined weight of everyone in the cell block watching him at once.

*

Keller mostly seems to keep to himself, hangs on the edge of the common area and watches with open interest. McManus makes a mental note to talk to him again later, give him some pointers on surviving prison life. As far as he could tell from their brief conversation in receiving, Keller couldn't remember anything at all about his life before the accident - not his stint at Lardner, nothing about his childhood, everything wiped fresh and clean. As he twists his blinds closed and settles down to paperwork, McManus wonders who the fuck Keller's going to turn out to be, wonders what Oz is going to write on this blank slate.

By lights out, he's only halfway caught up on where his guys have been for the past eight months, but he's made a pretty decent dent in the fresh bottle of scotch he'd slipped into the bottom drawer of his desk the first day back, and he doesn't notice Murphy until the other man's already come into the office and closed the door behind him and dropped into one of the chairs across from the desk. McManus looks up, blinking. "Oh - hey."

"Hey." Murphy looks shot - circles under his eyes, shoulders slumped. He reaches out, wiggles his fingers until McManus hands over the bottle, tips it up and takes a long drink.

"That was new, you know." He makes a show of wiping off the lip of the bottle when Murphy hands it back.

Murphy rolls his eyes. "It's liquor, Tim, it sterilizes itself."

He doubts it. "Maybe. Hey, did you talk to Beecher at all?"

"He'll be all right." Murphy tips his head to the side a little, looks at McManus like he's a math problem or an out-of-date map, interesting and maybe a little funny. "Beecher's a survivor."

"Yeah, but - " Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's the stress of his whole life being up in the air for eight months, seeing the guy who was responsible for it all and knowing, at the same time, that the guy who's responsible isn't really there any more - "He loved Keller, Sean, he really - Jesus, all the hurt they caused each other and Keller doesn't even - "

"Tim." Murphy's leaning forward and looking at him dead on and McManus gets a weirdly distinct feeling that he's at the edge of a whirlpool, churning water and a bottomless pit and unable to do anything but let himself get dragged in circles - "Probably better for both of them this way, huh? A way out." Murphy shrugs. "Or a chance to start over."

Huh. He thinks about it. Wonders who Keller would have been, without any of the shit that made him who he was - if he'd never run into Schillinger at Lardner, if he'd never killed anyone. Wonders if maybe, without all those memories and all that history clogging things up, Beecher and Keller could have a chance. "You think so?"

Murphy nods. "It'll play out however it's supposed to play out," he say, standing. "I'm on my way out for the night - you should go home, get some rest. This shit will all still be here in the morning."

They leave Em City together. McManus tries not to look but he can't help but notice Beecher curled up in the back corner of his bunk as they pass, knees to his chest, and suddenly he can't bear the thought of going home to his silent empty apartment - "Listen," he says as Mineo unlocks the gate and lets them out, "Let's grab some dinner or something, I don't want to - " His voice cuts out; can't bring himself to say it, even though he's pretty sure Sean knows what he means.

All Murphy says is "Okay," but somehow, it's enough to make McManus feel better.


End file.
